I'm officially..... "at home"....

...how bizarre. Though, I haven't been sleeping well *at all*, so being at home is a blessing. I did go to the Zoo yesterday and play tourist and chat with some coworkers. It was nice to go home for a nap afterwards :)

I had my 38 week appointment today. Everything is fine. I only gained 1 lb since last week, so that's good. It's all baby! Blood pressure is good, baby movement is good, I'm measuring right on schedule (so Bean hasn't had any more growth spurts), and there's no indication Bean's ready to make his appearance any time soon. I opted not to go for the procedure we talked about last week. I did a lot of reading on it, and asked our Doula her opinion. The Dr.'s like to say it's a procedure that will help ensure you don't go OVER term. But such a high percentage of women go in to labour within 48 hours of this procedure, I think it's more of an easy way to induce labour before the estimated due date. So, I opted out. The Dr. looked quizzical and said at this point most women just want the baby out? - It's not that I don't want Bean out, lord knows I DO!, but when he and my body are ready for him to be out. I'm not going to opt for medical procedures "just because" it'll make the Dr.'s life easier. I've found it's difficult to talk to the Dr.'s if I don't do my research - it's easy to be bowled over with them saying "medically, it's for the best" - when a little bit of reading and asking more questions says it's NOT medically for the best, it's easier for their schedule.

Shmooshy Cheeks and Pouty Lips

Just click on the thumbnail for video of Bean's shmooshy cheeks and pouty lips.

Random Thoughts at 36 weeks

Car seat installed in both cars - check
Chest of drawers put together in Ben's room - check
Clothes all washed and hung up - check
Baby stuff all put together or in storage - check
Sleep -
Sleep -
Sleep -

Who knew hips could hurt this bad? It's not like they're hurting because Ben's in any special "low" position, either. He's most likely still breech (to be confirmed today), with his feet gnashing at my pelvis. No wonder it's bruised. Ahhhh pregnancy is beautiful. :)

I was walking Bosco yesterday, and heard three times - count 'em - THREE times - "wow, 36 weeks and you're still out walking? Good for you! I don't know how you can do it!" - huh? Why exactly couldn't I? I still have 2 perfectly good legs, they just move slower and at a considerably different angle than they did say, a month ago. I still have an 85 pound dog that needs his walks. Hell *I* still need my walks. I'd go insane if all I was doing was sitting at home twidding my thumbs. Get me outdoors!

However. I will say this. Going for an hour+ long walk has its challenges. Actually, really only one big challenge. I have lots of benches to rest on, Bosco likes my newfound "meander" style of walking rather than the "walk with a purpose" style of walking I had a few short months ago. However, the one big challenge is: pee breaks.

When we go for the long walks, I have to take Bosco to our big off leash park bordering the river. A few hundred acres of off-leash and forested area.

Do you realize how hard it is to squat and pee in the bushes, avoid peeing on your shoes and clothes, AND try to fold baby out of the way at the same time while not falling? All the while trying to rush just in the off chance there's finally another soul walking in the exact same place you are? That's tough!!

Hey, I was a girl guide. I can pee in the bushes. I can pee behind safari trucks in the middle of a herd of Zebra, too. THAT was one of the best days of my life.

Signed,
The insane one

Random Thoughts at 35 Weeks

I know I've said this a lot, but I can't believe I'm already this far along. It seems like yesterday I was stuffing baby Harley Davidson socks and my pee-test in a box as a present for Trent. And now I'm at 35 weeks??? Wow. Here is a new photo of my progression, from 18-34 weeks. I can't believe I thought I looked so huge at 18w - I look like a house now! I can't even believe the difference from 32 and 34 weeks.

So.... I have to - HAVE TO - get my hospital bag(s) together this weekend so they're ready. We have the car seat, and I want to install that in Trent's car this weekend too - and practice getting it in and out.

Our Birth & Babies classes are going well. We go every Wednesday for 10 weeks and learn everything from pre-natal to post-natal they can shove into 2 hours per week. We've met a lot of great couples, I can't wait to hang out with the other new moms over the next year.

I am done work as of November 17th, so that meas as of today I have 10 work days left. That is totally mind-blowing for me. I'm excited to begin this next chapter of our lives (hell, a whole new novel!), but I'm sad at the same time. I LOVE working at the Zoo. I love seeing the people every day who are as eager and caring and compassionate as I am. I love my new team in Conservation Research, and I would love to return to CR if there is a spot for me in December 2009.

I think the biggest thing I am worried about isn't what kind of mom I'm going to be or doing everything right. It's Trent and my relationship evolving - and the battles that will inevitably ensue over sharing 16 hours of babycare time, cleaning the house, etc. I am scared Trent will think, as most men, that I have nap time all day and watch a lot of TV, so I can clean up after everybody, and he doesn't have to do anything. That's so not going to work with us, I just don't know how to get that point across. It's very important that he pulls his share of the weight - with the house and with baby. Anyway... yes, that's my greatest fear.

Now, my greatest fear with labour? I have no idea. They'll get him out however which way they have to. Bean is still breech (I told the doctor he's like his mom - I can't stand having my feet above my head either!), and if he's still breech by my November 7th, 36 week appointment, we'll get into more discussion about what I can do to try to turn him, or have a c-section. I will be okay with a c-section. Actually, I'm more okay with the idea of a c-section than I am with epidurals in my spine and episiotomies..... *shudder*

I am starting to look into hiring a Doula, or a Doula in Training. We were going to go another route, but I think the Doula would offer a more professional, matter-of-fact kind of attitude that we both need. So we'll see how hiring that person goes, I'll keep you up to date.

Some of my favourite clothes

...from grandma, uncle Matt, my friend Sheila, Gymboree in Vegas, Sears, and various thrift stores.



Bean's coming home outfit.





Matthew (brother) found "Bean" in a store in Banff. Since that's the poor little dude's nickname, Matt couldn't resist. Sheila (friend) bought the Porcupine "Wanna Hug" in Vegas. Can't wait to see them on :)


Trent hasn't seen this one yet, but I'm sure he'll call it the "indoctrination onesie". I couldn't resist.


I couldn't resist this either. It has puppy dogs on it and teddy bear ears. I swear they make these things so soft just so sappy pregnant women can't say no.


Sleepy duckie. *sighs*

I wonder....

...what kind of person my Bean already is.
...what colour eyes he'll have.
...if he'll look like a chubby little Ukrainian baby like all the others born in our family
...if he'll sleep through the night at a week old like I apparently did (puh-leeeeeeaze say it's genetic....)
...what he'll be interested in.
...what he'll grow up to be.
...what he'll grow up to believe in.

*sighs* I can't believe I *made* someone.......................

It's Thanksgiving long weekend in Canada this weekend. Next Thanksgiving, I'll be a mom. My Bean will be tasting Turkey for the first time. Weird.

32 weeks!

I'm officially 32 weeks, or 8 months pregnant! That's the confusing part... if you say "8 months", people think I only have 4 weeks left. But we're actually pregnant for 10 months (40 weeks), not 9 months. So, I'll try not to confuse the matter and just tell you in weeks. 32!!

I had an appointment today, and everything is fine. My blood pressure is a little elevated so that's something to watch. Bean is still stretched out sideways, he hasn't decided to go head down yet. Though as mom pointed out, would you want to hang upside down for 8 weeks? Guess not. The Doctor says they usually move around 36 weeks. I hope so, b/c I really don't want to have a c-section.

I gained 2 more pounds, which they were fine with. Yeesh - I'm not going to tell you the total amount I've gained so far because it's nasty. I know, I'm pregnant, I'm supposed to gain weight - but when I was really hoping to stay on the 15 lbs gain, it's quite shocking to be much more than that. I just don't know how it's possible. I don't eat junk, I'm not "eating for two". It's all going to my back and thighs, though, wherever it's coming from.

I'm trying to find a car seat. How horribily difficult would you think that would be? Not difficult? I would have thought so too. We found one we liked and I was going to order it, but thought I'd double check with the manufacturer of the stroller we bought (Valco Baby) to make sure. Sure enough, the carseat we want wouldn't fit. Dammit, I give up! I'm going to Bo Bebe after work today and getting the one they have there, at least I know it will work. I was trying to save some money, but ended up wasting too much time researching seats we can't even use anyway. Oh well. We'll get one eventually and Bean will be all cuddled up in it in no time :)

31 weeks... wow....

It seems like just yesterday, I was crossing everything crossable, hoping I would get to 8 weeks. Then 12. Then 20, then 30, now the magic number is 34. It's been a long road! A miscarriage never forgotten, over a year of temping and charting and scheduling and it seeming like everyone in the world was getting pregnant except me. And now it's my turn. I can't believe I'm already at 31 weeks. Almost 32!

Bean woke me up last night he kicked so hard - I was about to get mad at Trent for shaking the bed and realized it was Bean who made ME shake the bed! Oops. He's getting so big I don't feel massive kicks that often anymore, but I still feel him move all the time. He's really active during the day and sleeps at night - I realllllllly really really really really REALLY hope he keeps that schedule when he's actually here. I did put in a special request for a baby that would sleep through the night like I apparently did, so we'll see. :)

We picked up our stroller on Thursday night - I can't wait to put it together!! I went to Sears to hopefully find a carseat yesterday (red tag sale!), but no luck. I have to get one of 3 brands, so it can fit into the stroller properly (we didn't get one of those "all in one" stroller+carseats). What I did find are some of the cutest clothes (I know, I know)... I justified it saying they're on sale, and Bean doesn't yet have warm clothes for December-February. He'll need them, because I'm planning on being outside a lot! I found the cutest coming home outfit - so much for "all he needs is a onesie and a blanket!"

My doctor has me doing kick counts now - or movement counts. I have to pick a 2 hour period in the day and count how many movements I feel from Bean - and hopefully it adds up to 10 or more. If it doesn't, I'm supposed to go directly to labour & delivery. Personally? I think it's just one more thing they've thought of to make new moms go crazy. I'm very in tune with my body, and very in tune with Bean. If he doesn't make any movements when I know he should be up, then I would be concerned and get it checked out. But to actually track and chart it? Grumble.

Anyway, here is my updated progression photo. It sure seems like I got big early on, but haven't made that much of a change:

Guess I had better get to work!

Photos

Here are some photos of me, Trent, Bosco, and my big huge belly :) You can click on the image to enlarge it.

Single digits

Well, I'm officially in single digits. Only 9 weeks and 6 days to go? *Crazy*!

Here's the update for 30 weeks:

The light is visible at the end of the tunnel! Your oversized self and amazing growing baby have finally reached the single digits (in terms of weeks till birth)! The fine lanugo hair that has been growing all over their little monkey-like body is going to start falling off this week in preparation for the big day. But don’t be shocked if they’re hairier than you’d anticipated, some babies keep their lanugo until after birth. Still, it’s not any cause to be concerned as it will fall off eventually. No surprises here: your little porker is getting even cuter with increasingly pudgy arms and legs this week thanks to the ever-growing layers of subcutaneous fat. In terms of numbers, your baby should be weighing in at around 3 pounds 12 ounces (or more!) and be nearly 16 inches long.

And how's mom doing? On a very serious note: you should make sure to determine both you and your baby’s blood type. It’s extremely important for everyone. In the case that you and your maturing babe’s blood types don’t match there’s a chance you could produce antibodies that could potentially attack and harm a future the drama you’re feeling is largely a result of increased adrenaline thanks indirectly to hormonal swings—not because things really are that dramatic and merit adult temper tantrums fetus. It is rare, but with modern medicine, the problem is easily corrected and little cause for concern if dealt with properly.

As for the ongoing joys of being in your third trimester: your not-so-fun symptoms are just intensifying this week, so it might not hurt to slow down a bit and focus on yourself. If you’re feeling extra fatigued, you’ve probably joined the sleeping shouldn’t be this tough when I’m this tired club, especially if you’re experiencing a lot of back pain and general discomfort. If you’ve been pushing the exercise thing, then this is the time perhaps to cut down on the physical activities and focus more on getting proper sleep (if this means buying a pregnancy pillow, then do it!). Oh and all that moodiness? Just go with the flow emotionally. This doesn't mean letting the hormones win and becoming a complete psychotic. Instead, feel the feelings, but know that the drama you’re feeling is largely a result of increased adrenaline thanks indirectly to hormonal swings—not because things really are that dramatic and merit adult temper tantrums. The clincher symptom for this week: it’s highly likely your libido has gone on sabbatical. This, as far as we’re concerned, is perfectly natural in your condition.

This is surreal

It's finally sinking in that life has already changed considerably.

2 months ago I was still actually quite depressed I wasn't having a girl. A boy? What am I going to do with a boy? Now, it's safe to say this little Bean has me wrapped around the little foot, or elbow, I see protruding from my belly.

I kid you not! It's either an ankle or an elbow, and when I tickle it he nudges me. I can SEE the protruding part. How completely bizarre is this?!?!?!

I can't wait to meet him. I'm so in love with this character already :)

Diapers

What has my life come to? Excitement over finding 100% biodegradable, disposable diapers. That's what.

It took a couple months of searching, but I've found the perfect diaper. Now I just hope they work for our little Bean. I did a lot of research on cloth diapering and the "new and improved" cloth diapers that are flushable and compostible. Those are all great options, but I know if *I* won't want to do it, DH just wouldn't. And I wasn't too keen on scraping off diapers, putting the washer through 3 cycles of washing for 1 load of laundry (and to clean the washer afterwards), not to mention putting poopy diapers in our clothes washer..... engh.

So, at first I found a brand called 7th Generation. They're good, but they're not 100% biodegradable. We bought a couple bags of them to try them out.

Then just a couple days ago I found Nature Baby. They're only sold online, either at http://diapers.com in the US, or http://betterbabybums.com in Canada. Better Baby Bums is actually out of Burnaby.

They're 100% biodegradable!!! I bought 4 bags. 2 newborn and 2 one size up from that. My conscience can relax now, my great-great-great-great grandchildren's children won't have to deal with my kid's diapers in the landfill (did you know diapers last 1000 years???). These ones biodegrade in 6 months.

So - if you are planning on buying some "diaper supplies" for Bean? Please buy Nature Baby, or a gift certificate for the same? We won't be using pampers/huggies/etc.

Thank you!

Registry

In case anyone is interested... we're not having a baby shower, but I have organized a baby registry to keep my own mind straight as to what I wanted/needed for Bean, but also because a few of you have asked what you should get him! Thank you very much, but please do not think it's a necessity. We will have an open house/meet Bean get together sometime in December for family/friends/neighbours but don't think you

http://www.toysrus.ca/registry/index.jsp, and you can use either my name (first and last) or Trent's to sign in.

Thanks, all!

Mmmmm..... sleeeeep....

So it seems the third trimester exhaustion has caught up to me. I thought I was exhausted in the 2nd trimester (I never did get that "2nd trimester 2nd wind" thing others spoke so fondly of), but with how tired I am now, I realize I was actually quite well rested last trimester.

If you're pregnant you're not supposed to sleep on your back or right side - and forget about sleeping on your belly. All of the above are the only ways I sleep - I can't sleep on my left side! I try, but always wake up with shooting pains in my arms or legs. Not that it matters which position I try to sleep in - sleep is fitful and interrupted constantly by Bean jumping on my bladder. Or charlie-horses so bad I have to get up and walk around the house. Or I'm sweating (while Trent is freezing under 3 layers of quilt, I open the window further! Poor guy). Or braxton-hicks contractions so strong they take my breath away. I hope this isn't a glimpse into the future of how awake he's going to be!!!

*yawn*

I used to rely on the weekends to catch up on sleep (I'd sleep 9-10 hours Friday and Saturday nights and be "ok" for the rest of the coming week). But I barely got any GOOD sleep on the weekend, so I'm even more toast than usual.

On the plus side: Someone at work told me I look great. That made me feel good.

Where has the time gone??

I'm in the 3rd trimester today. How the heck?? It seems like just yesterday I was crossing my legs and fingers and toes to get to 8 weeks... then 12.... now I'm at 27?!?!

I had my 27w appointment with my OB today. Yet another doc in the clinic I hadn't met yet, and she seems to know her stuff. There's really only one I haven't clicked with and with my luck that will be the one on duty when I go in to labour.

I've been having pains, what I thought were Braxton-Hicks contractions from what I read and other pregnant women have told me. So the doc felt around and determined “yep. Braxton Hicks”. So, that’s that. I said "I thought BH weren’t supposed to hurt?" All she said was “don’t believe everything you read”. *lol* She did say I should time them and keep track of the frequency. If I have more than 4 in an hour, I should call. Or if they come with increasing frequency (every 10 mins, every 7, 5, etc.) then don’t bother calling, just go to Labour & Delivery so they can stop them. It’s not something I’ll mess around with, I have 4 friends right now on bedrest because they went into pre-term labour, so I’ll watch them but I won’t stress over them.

Bean is developing normally and is on track for being a big boy. She estimates he’s about 15” long and 3 pounds. I should start gaining a pound a week from here on in. I’ve already gained 22 (*sob*) but she says that’s totally okay. She doesn’t think I have as much weight to lose as I do (I wanted to be at a gain of about 15 for the whole pregnancy because I was already 15 over, but she said that gage is more for people who are “really” overweight).

I asked (AGAIN.. I ask this at every appt. because I have a different doctor and I'm hoping for a different answer :)) if she could give me anything to help me sleep?? Short answer is no :( I asked what about my friends whose doctors are prescribing Unisom and others? She said the Docs at this clinic say Unisom is somewhat addictive if you take it for more than 2 weeks and they know pregnant women are desperate for sleep, so they’ll take it for over the 2 weeks. Makes sense. I’d probably ignore that recommendation too if it allowed me more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep. It's the "I can handle it, it won't happen to me" scenario. So, no sleep meds for me. At least my Benedryl is safe.... it's the only reason I'm getting max. of 4 hours of sleep per night.

Bean kicked the fetal heart rate monitor off my belly. Heh. His heartrate was higher than normal (163, and it’s usually 147), but I bank that on the cheerios+sugar and the orange juice I had this morning.

Some of the results of my blood test on Wednesday are back already. My Iron is very good (it was 96 last appointment and it’s 25 today, so Bean is taking what he needs. I just have to keep taking my maternity vitamins and eat meat. Blech. I passed my gestational diabetes test. Yaye! I didn’t know if I would, considering what I ate that day and the migraine was coming on.

That’s about it. So, all is progressing the way it’s supposed to. Bean is healthy and loving his temporary living arrangements. Let's just hope he likes it enough to stay in there at least 9 more weeks. "Full term" is considered 36 weeks, but of course 40 would be better!

Photos of Me (and Bean)

From Las Vegas! Very pregnant me.

Yep. Baby weight has invaded the face.

The silly one. Yes, that's my huge belly. And no, I'm not nekkid. :)

Mind-blowing...

...I think I'm being hit on the head with the hammer of reality. This is all still so mind-blowing to me.

For week 26...... At long last, your little swimmer can see the womb! Your miracle’s little eyelids have finally separated (they were fused closed previously) and they’re probably having their first moments of sight as you read this (or maybe it already happened while you were brushing your teeth or watching Oprah or something).

In addition to seeing their little studio in your belly, they’ve recently acquired the ability to say “yes” and “no” in rudimentary sign language as they can now move their head back and forth. This is also the time where your little super star’s head hair is starting to grow! A cute little cowlick or two may be springing into position right now, getting ready for years of cute-but-stubborn bed-head. Also, their toenails have grown in and you little raisin continues to slowly pile up fat beneath their still-loose skin.

Most importantly, brain tissue and neurons are all developing at a rapid pace, increasing their (genius-level?) brain activity and will continue to function at accelerated levels for the first seven to eight years of childhood!

Man oh man... it's still just so mind-blowing to me that I have a little *PERSON* growing inside of me......

Nursery

The nursery is almost ready!!!! It's just missing the valance and some artwork. I got a print framed that I bought from a man in Ghana.... and a couple other things on the wall.

I'm a self-confessed type-a control freak. I've felt completely out of sorts and out of all sorts of control throughout this pregnancy. But one thing I did have control over was how the nursery would be decorated and when it would be completed. Safari animals and August 31st.

Well, all it needs now is the valance, and a chair for mom and dad's middle-of-the-night visits. Here it is so far (click on the photo if you want the humongous version):

This is as "before" as we thought to take. I wish I had taken a real "before" shot. When it was the catch-all room for everything we didn't unpack when we moved. A year ago.
It was actually quite difficult to find a safari theme with the proper animals. Most of them had zebra's, giraffe's, elephants, and tigers! Why tigers?? Why not the geographically appropriate lion? I didn't want to start out Bean's life by feeding him mis-information, so I needed the proper theme. My name is Jodene. I'm a Zoo geek.
It's a 4-stage convertible crib. It converts from crib to toddler bed to day bed to queensized headboard. No idea how to do the last one, but we'll never need it.
"Monkey" the gorilla (okay, so there's a little bit of mis-information... but there's a story as to why the great ape is named "Monkey") and all of his rainforest, savannah, domestic, and extra-terriestrial friends.

16 to 24 weeks

Well - here I am!

We're home......

...I took Bean on a little Vegas vacation. In retrospect Vegas in August probably wasn't the best choice for someone 6 months pregnant. EGADS it was way too hot. The coolest day was 40C, some of the time it got up to 43. But really, after you're past 40 - what's another 3??

We spent a lot of time during the day lounging around, waiting until evening when it was cool enough to do anything. I saw Mystére (Cirque du Soleil) and STOMP - both were absolutely amazing but STOMP was mind blowing.

I'm at 12 toilet paper squares now, but I don't know how much of that is baby and how much is Vegas food. Holy moly do people in Vegas know how to EAT. Think I could find fruits and veggies anywhere? Nope :(

Something I did find, however, is the Gymboree store. Oh my gosh, I had so much fun. I bought a lot of clothes for Bean, for every stage of his first year. Little boy things are just so cute! Cowboys, dogs, wild animals.... he got it all. How could I NOT buy him a little cowboy hat and cowboy boots for Stampede? I'm not that strong. I'll post pictures soon.

Right now Bean is approximately 14" long. His ears and sense of hearing are developed and he can now hear sounds from the outside world (including drums and thunder, and mom and dad). By the end of this week, his testicles will have taken the 3-4 day trip from his abdominal wall to the scrotum. Baby is still breathing in amniotic fluid, and weighs about 2 pounds.

I liken his movements to either playing bongo drums on my bladder, or using the umbilical cord as a jump rope. WOW is this bean a Jumping Bean. He kicks almost nonstop at night and it's hard enough to wake me up now. Trent just felt a huge kick last night on my belly and he was shocked. Just yesterday, Bean started kicking on the left side. He's been entirely right-wombed until then.

People - total strangers, and people I work with - have started touching my belly more often. I guess there is some unwritten rule that says pregnant women no longer have any right to their own personal space. I haven't come up with a good come-back yet, other than the old dodge-and-delay maneuver. I don't mind if people ask, but that they just come in and expect me to be okay with them touching my body, is shocking.

I have an appointment next week for my diabetes screening. *crossing fingers* everything should be okay.

So tired

Bean likes the nighttime. Great. He kicks nonstop at night!! He kicks during the day too, but my movement must quiet him down so he's not that loud.

*yawn*

Here is my belly progression from 16w to 22w.

Happy Anniversary, Grandma and Grandpa

Okay, that sounds weird. The grandma and grandpa part, not the happy anniversary part. I've been calling mom and dad gramma and grampa for 9 years, because of their granddog, Bosco. But now that it's a real kid, it sounds weird.

Interesting.

Anyway, my parents have been married 44 years today. I don't know how they do it. Trent and Bean and I are taking them out for dinner tonight. MMMM Bean gets pasta! He looooooves pasta.

On the homefront, Trent and I are going to get Bean's room cleaned out this weekend, goshdarnitalltoheck. I can't look at it the way it is anymore. I'm at 23 weeks today, and it's freaking me right out that I could, if need be, deliver 9 weeks from now. 9 weeks? I'm not ready for that. Nesting overdrive...........

What I am ready for, though, is almost a full year at home with Bean. Trent's taking 6 weeks (hopefully 3 at the beginning, 3 at the end... not all 6 at once, or there's no way we'll make it to 44 years... ;)) so that will be a huge gift for him to start bonding with Bean. It must be sad/hard for new dads to have a baby one day and go to work a couple days later. Leaving new mom all alone to wonder "what now?"

Bean is growing a lot and I feel him kicking many times per day. It's funny, at 21 weeks I would feel one kick and then nothing for a couple days. At 22 weeks, it was more regular. At 23 weeks, he's keeping me up at night. I feel as though he's jumping rope with his umbilical cord. Stop it! It's not a toy! Mind you, it must be awfully boring in there. If he's anything like me, he's going to hate lying around for another few months doing nothing.....

He is around a foot long now, and weighs almost 1.5 pounds. It's bizarre to think in 3 months they pack on all that weight!

I'm in boot camp...

...spring training, bootcamp... whatever. I think L'il Bean is getting me used to sleepless nights. I know I wanted to feel him kick, but I think I forgot to qualify that. I only want to feel the kicks during the day. Not every. bloody. night. I can't sleep!

I mean, it took us a while to get here, so of course I'm happy I can feel him kicking... but seriously. Every night? On the plus side, I got 4 hours of sleep last night. That's better than the previous night, so maybe he's getting better. I hope this isn't indicative of his sleeping habits after he's born. I want him to take after me in that regard - sleeping 8 hours through the night at a month old. I'd LOVE THAT.

I started cleaning out Bean's room on the weekend. What used to take me 1 day has taken me over 3. *sighs* I've enlisted Trent's help for next weekend - we will win! I want Bean's room done by the end of August. Just 'cuz. I'm "nesting" and it's freaking me out not having Ben's place ready yet.

Football Player?

I really hope the amount of kicking I'm feeling isn't indicative of what little bean will do as a career. I know nothing about Football.

Before 21 weeks, I felt the tinest of flutters. So tiny, they would leave me guessing if it was baby or gas! But right at 21 weeks on the nose, I felt kicks. Couldn't-be-mistaken-for-anything else-kicks. For the first few days it was only at night, and as soon as I put my hand on my belly he would stop. But now I can even feel him while sitting at my work computer. I love it!

Trent even felt him yesterday....I was eating and Bean was kicking. I grabbed Trent's hand and put it to my belly, but kept eating. Sure enough, there was a kick-kick-kick Hi dad! Trent thought that was pretty durned cool. And scary.

I'll be 22 weeks on Friday. We have so much to do with the house, I feel like I'm drowning :(

What I love about being pregnant....

I have to make a post regarding what I love about being pregnant, because I like to complain (even when no one is listening), and it's good to remember the nice parts too. So, this post won't have anything to do with backaches, constipation, heartburn, acne, stretch marks, moodiness, sore feet, charlie-horses, insomnia, 3am cravings, mammoth boobs that feel like they're made of sandpaper, bloating, incontinence, people thinking I'm breakable and can't carry 10 pounds of anything, weight gain, exhaustion, or sheer laziness.

Uhm. Okay, so it won't have anything to do with those things starting now...

What do I love about being pregnant, in no particular order:

(1) I've only had to use my hair removal cream once in the past 5 months. My hair just isn't growing quickly at all. Yaye!

(2) There seems to be a different social status for pregnant women. I notice it at work, at the mall, shopping for sofa's... people treat you differently as soon as they see the belly. They treat me with care, they're excited for me.

(3) SOME of the unsolicited advice from total strangers is actually really good advice.

(4) My awesomest of awesome baby bhudda bellies.

(5) I can eat pretty much whatever I want and get away with it. Case in point: I had a soft taco at 1am Saturday morning because all I could do was lay awake for over an hour, stare at the ceiling, and obsess about my soft taco. And worry that if I didn't get up and have it right then, Trent would eat it for breakfast in the morning and I'd get mad at him - because he should have read my mind and known I wanted it! ??

(6) How excited our family is.

(7) This new and challenging novel for Trent and I. I love a challenge.

(8) Waking up to Bean kicking me. It seems like it took forever to feel it, but now I feel it every day.

(9) Great parking at the mall.

(10) No periods, no tampons, no debilitating PMS cramps. YEAH baby.

(11) That I'm going to be a MOM!

(12) Trent rubbing my belly or resting his hand on my belly when we're watching TV. I love that.

(13) Comfy clothes that accentuate my baby belly, and I don't have to worry about sucking anything in.

(14) I now have a real reason to buy baby things. Books, toys, clothes... Trent is *so* going to have to put me on a budget... I go crazy when my friends have babies, I think it'll be even worse now.

(15) I have a valid excuse to "take it easy" and "nap". Even though I don't do either, I could if I wanted to!

(16) I can be moody and get away with it.

(17) People seem to be genuinely afraid of a mad pregnant woman. *coughLeonscough*

Hospital Tour

So, I got my hospital tour last night. Not exactly the way I'd like it to be, but at least I know where to go now.

I will preface this by saying Bean and I are both fine.

For the past couple days I've felt something was "off" with little bean. I didn't know what, but things weren't right. Nothing quantitative. I called the low risk clinic and they said it's just best for me to go to the hospital because if something actually is wrong, they could do something about it right there. Makes sense. So, off I go. I got there at 2:45, and got right in!

Within a few minutes, a nurse came in to check baby's heartbeat. She couldn't find it on the ancient looking hospital paddles (as my heart rate increases......), so she tried the hand-held doppler. It took her a while to find it, but it was a strong 147bpm (as my heart rate decreases.....).

Next she hooked me up to some weird looking machine that checks whether I'm having contractions or not (the readout looks like a lie detector or an EKG reading). I said I'm not having any cramps or anything, just a hard spot here *pointing*. She said "love, your little one is still a little one - you wouldn't feel contractions if you were having them". Oh. Okay. Carry on, I'll shut up. So, I stayed hooked up to that for an hour. Good news - no contractions.

I start to fall asleep as I'm waiting for another test, but they wheel in a woman in labour in the bed next to mine. I fall asleep in between her contractions, but as her contractions are going on I'm thinking a few different things. First: "ow. Is it too late to turn back?!?!" Second: "she said no to drugs. Why would she say no to drugs? That's my whole birth plan! Epidural at hospital admission, baby!" Third: "wow are the things her husband is saying *so* not going to help me". Poor guy.... "shhhh, it's okay honey. Shhhhhh. Just breathe. Shhhhhhhh, it's okay". It's okay? YOU get on the table and push a watermelon out of your arse, then tell me it's okay! *laughs*

The doctor's intern came to check on me, ran a pee test, everything's fine. She didn't have the best bedside manner, but I guess that's one of the reasons she's an intern - to learn that. She did make me feel a bit like I was wasting her time. "Can you quantify your feeling? What do you mean it's just a feeling? How would you explain it?". Whereas when the doc came in and moved things around (seriously - she dug UNDER my uterus, pushed everything to the side to tap around - external exam only), I apologized again for seeming to waste her time. She was very nice and said it's never a waste of time to make sure everything's okay, and I wouldn't have gotten any sleep if I hadn't have come in, so it's good that I did. And besides, "mama's always know, I don't question it". So, she made me feel much better.

After almost 3 hours, I was discharged with nothing more than a "watch the sore spot, if it gets worse, come in. But baby's fine". The "but" was all I was needing to hear.

So, little bean is just fine. His heartbeat is where it's supposed to be, his length is where he's supposed to be, and it looks like he's content to stay where he is.

Happy 5 months!

Little Bean is 5 months old today!

He's about 10.5 inches tall (on average... so, knowing how tall mom and dad are, he's probably a foot long ;)). He hasn't been waking me up at night, but I do feel him more often now. At least I think I do. For all I know it could be ligaments shifting. I did feel a very obvious kick while in a meeting yesterday... I actually jumped in my seat!

I've gained 12 pounds. *sighs*. I'm trying to remember that gaining weight = healthy baby. But I was on weight watchers for a long time, and gaining weight was bad, bad, bad. So I still have that mentality. At least it all seems to be in my belly, I don't *think* I look overweight anywhere else. I'm just obviously pregnant now. I like that part :)

Bean's limbs have reached their relative proportions now - so now all he needs to do is stay in there another 5 months and get big and strong. Okay, not too big. But strong!

He has teeth buds now, and finger and toe pads. He has more well defined lips. No more Lion/Human mix! Yaye! His testes are descending, but they still haven't passed the abdominal wall. He now has visible eyelashes and eyebrows! So, for all intents and purposes, Little Bean finally looks like a minature baby! Right now he weighs 1/8 of his final birth weight. Yaye - the most significant weight gain is still to come ;)

We really have to get enrolled in Lamaze and prenatal classes... mama keeps forgetting. Surprise. :)

16 week to 20 week belly progression

Wow. I looked bigger at 18 weeks than I do now.

I bought little bean (Benjamin?) some clothes last night. I couldn't resist. Just a set of 3 newborn onesies.... they have polka dots and puppies on them. Oh. And a rattle.

And so it starts........

11.75 squares!

Wow. I'm only 6.5 inches long. But that's only CRL (Crown to Rump Length)... I'm sure my legs are lonnnnnnnnnng...

As of today, mama is 11.75 squares of Toilet Paper wide. She was 11 last week. She doesn't look like she grew that much, but I guess she did! In the weeks she's been tracking:

14: 9.00

15: 9.25

16: 9.75

17: 9.75

18: 10.50

19: 11.00

20: 11.75

I'm 5 months old on Friday! Mama can't believe how fast time has flown. We get to meet in 5 months! Neither of us are in a rush. I'm comfy and warm in here, and I can feel mama's heartbeat rise every time she thinks about it :)

A note from mom

Please be gentle, this isn't exactly a topic that is widely discussed outside of support groups.

I've been feeling a little guilty lately, because I wasn't instantly 100% excited when the ultrasound tech told Trent and I we were having a boy. And I'm still getting over it. I thought for sure it would be a girl! I've always had a girl named picked (since I was about 10...), but just started thinking of boy names in case he did turn out to be a boy. I was happy to hear he was healthy and growing, but expressed a little disappointment over the past few days that he's not a girl. Especially working at the Zoo, where I probably see the worst of kids (excited, tired, and hopped up on sugar). I know I'll get over that, especially when I meet him, and have taken steps to bond with our little boy. Trent has been more accepting of baby now too, since we know he is happy and healthy in his temporary lodging.

When we go for these anatomy ultrasounds, the expectant moms and dads tend to forget it's a diagnostic tool above all else. The techs and doctors couldn't care less if it's a boy or a girl. They're checking brain, spine and heart development.

Well, what has helped me start bonding with my boy this week is knowing he is healthy. All 10 fingers and toes, a perfectly developing brain and heart. After previous heartache, Trent and I found ourselves feeling distant from Little Bean, not wanting to believe he's real until we thought he had a great chance at surviving. It's too hard to get so involved and get hurt. Stupid thoughts, as I know we would have been devastated no matter what, if something had happened to our dear little one.

What helped bring this all home, is 3 ladies on my December Mama's support forum. Two had their anatomy scans in the past couple of weeks. One scan found her baby with a severe congenital heart defect that might be inoperable.

Another? Found her baby severely underdeveloped. One hand has no fingers and is missing bones. The upper lip isn't closed. The left side of his heart is a lot smaller than the right. The spine is not aligned.

Another lady is just past 16 weeks. She hasn't felt movement in a few days, and her midwife hasn't found the heartbeat. She's going for an ultrasound this weekend, but not holding out much hope. Her last pregnancy ended at 16 weeks as well. The girl she's carrying is named Ella.

My heart goes out to them all. They didn't care if they had a boy or a girl, just that it was healthy. Here I was, the ultimate Type-A planner, hoping for a girl and automatically thinking "of course my baby is healthy. There's really no other option". Well, I got a boy, and a very healthy one at that. And that's really all that matters.

Please send positive vibes to "Moo Maw", "Emerson", and "Eviecat". They need them. And go hug your boys and girls.

Feel the Love

Ahhhhh mom and dad love me.

Mom's talking to me now, and she sings a lot when she's in the car, and rubs her belly/my home.

Dad gave me my first Zerberts last night. I liked them, I kicked like crazy.

I think mom's over the shock of me being a boy, and now she's excited. She tells me she can't wait to meet me, but at the same time is really glad I'm not due to arrive for another 5 months. She still has to get my room ready, paint the whole house, get new carpet...... it makes me tired just hearing about it!

Mom's going on a trip in August with a girlfriend of hers. To somewhere hot. But she promises lots of pool time and air conditioning, so we'll be fine. A few days in Las Vegas to relax will be great! Mom and dad are trying to figure out a place to go sometime in September for a week too... but are having problems agreeing on where! Mom doesn't want to travel for over 6 hours and thinks even 6 will put her in a nasty mood. She says this is the only time she's not going to be willing to travel for hours to get to a destination. That, and she's worried about getting sick while being far away. And grandma reminded her last night that women have been known to deliver at 7 months!

Eep.

I don't think either of us are ready for that. I like it in here. *yawnkick*

New Ultrasound Images

Mom and dad have told my grandparents now, so the rest of the world can know - I'm a boy!!!!! Grandma Mills, our friend's mom and our other friend's grandma ALL said I was going to be a boy.

Belly Pictures

16 weeks vs 18 weeks (I'm 18 weeks Friday, July 4th). Click on the image to enlarge.

How do I slow down the world?

That's what mom's been asking a lot lately. She can't believe she's almost 18 weeks pregnant. 4.5 months already? No way!!

I think she's starting to realize I'm here to stay... I've heard her talking to me more, and I can hear the music she plays me every day. She always rubs her belly when she plays it - she calls it African. She sure loves that music! She says she can't wait for one day when I'm old enough, to introduce me to one of her first loves, and take me to Africa. For now we'll have to be content with Baby Einstein Wildlife DVDs and the Calgary Zoo. I think we'll be spending A LOT of time at the Zoo.....

So, according to "those in the know", I weigh approximately 7 ounces and am about 6 inches long. That's for regular length babies, and knowing how tall my mom and dad are, I thinkin' I'm already longer than 6 inches.

Currently I look like a teeny little baby slathered in grease. YUM. Apparently it's necessary to keep my very thin skin from bruising while I bounce around inside of mom.

How's this for a fact to blow your mind: If I'm a girl, last week I produced millions of primordial egg cells. At 18 weeks, I already have a uterus and vaginal canal, and start producing real eggs. How's THAT for growing up before daddy's ready?!?!?!

By the way, only 5 days until we find out the angle of my dangle! Mom says she'll post the pictures here as soon as she can and you can all guess for yourselves :)

As for mom, she's noticed it's getting a lot harder to breathe. Which, for an asthmatic, isn't so grand. But her lungs are bigger than normal healthy lungs, and I'm already pushing on them, so.... sorry! Gotta make room! She's also saying goodbye to her belly-button. Mom's been lightheaded and had a few nose-bleeds but I guess that's to be expected. She has to produce more blood than ever now. She's still exhausted and.. uhm.. moody. Let's just call it moody. But she's nice to me so that's all I really care about.

Happy Birthday to me......

...happy birthday to me!!! Well, kinda. Mom's 16 weeks pregnant today, which means I'm 14 weeks old. Weird, huh? Guess it takes a while for me to get to my 9-month-home.

Mom's been having nightmares about me not being okay, so I'm glad we're going to the Dr. on Wednesday so she can hear I'm just fine. I've been kicking at her a lot to let her know I'm still in here. I hear her sing to me a lot in the car.

She says she's just "slightly more than a little bit" freaked out that I'm almost 1/2 way to being "HERE". 168 days sure doesn't seem like long.....

A little about me...

Friday's are my days... that means I'm a full week older! On Friday, June 20th, I'll be 16 weeks old. Mom is a little more than slightly freaked out that this means I'm almost 1/2 way "there". Where's "there"???

I'm about 4.5" long right now from crown to rump (thankfully they don't count the legs just yet, because then it'd probably be a really scary number). I've been kicking my little "hello world!" kicks every once in a while but Mom says she's just started to feel "something" a couple of days ago. She blames it on gas. Ignorance is bliss.

Most of my organs are increasing their capacity - wow, my heart is pumping about 25 quarts! That doesn't sound like much, especially knowing at 40 weeks/9 months it's pumping 200 quarts! Wow, I'm teeny!!!

Apparently my scalp patterns are appearing, though I don't have any hair yet. Why not? I'm getting bored in here... can't I use my time wisely and learn how to braid?? I hope I don't get mom's cowlicks. Who can I talk to about that?

I can hear now! Mom's been playing me Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Johnny Clegg to make me strong. I love the rhythym but sheesh, she's a little crazy about this African stuff, isn't she?? Maybe we can go someday.

What does "drawn and quartered" mean?

My mom says Angelina Jolie should be "drawn and quartered" for saying pregnancy is romantic and beautiful. As another new soon-to-be mom recently said, "if she had her way, she would've reached into the TV and made sure the world was one-less overpaid actor!" Something like that, anyway. Guess that's because she's so exhausted and sore and "blah" all the time. Mom's hoping it gets easier - she's heard there's a mythical point in the 2nd trimester where she'll get her energy back. She says she just can't wait for that!!

She is happy she finally has a baby belly now, though. I guess it's because she was tired of just looking "fluffy". Guess that's all me, now!! Chances are I'll be a pretty big babe (okay, so at least long!)... a 5'11" mom and a 6'4" dad? I'm ALREADY taller than I should be for my age! Mom says way to go, kid, already breaking records.

Introducing myself to the world

Hello. I'm Little Bean, but you can call me LB. Right now I'm still safe and sound with my mom, but I should be ready to make my début around the beginning of December. Here are my very first pictures!






Mom and dad can't wait to see if I'm a boy or girl - stay tuned for July 7th to see if I was cooperative! Feel free to post your comments and weigh in on whether I'm a boy or girl. Mom has her own feelings already, but Grandma has feelings the other way. We'll see who's right!